Your damn right I didn’t change my last name. If I had things my way we wouldn’t have married anybody at all, least of all you, and everything would still be all about me.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, I’ve got something to say about your so called recovery. I’m sure everyone else is thrilled to death about you quitting sugar but I honestly prefer you when you’re watching TV on the couch dropping crumbs on the floor. That was much more enjoyable than these daily two mile walks you wake me up to go on. My legs are two inches long buddy, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.
On top of all that you take me on all gravel roads. I’ve got sensitive paws pal, it wasn’t so bad when we lived in the city. I could walk for miles with all those people passing by and making a fuss about how adorable I am. Now its just you, me and all those sharp stones stabbing at my feet. Sometimes I get so disgusted I take a big crap right in the middle of the road to show you how I feel about it, but you just keep walking.
Last week I faked an injury and that got me out of a couple days, but I couldn’t keep the charade up during play time and now I’ve got to come up with a new plan. Its just so damn hot and/or windy out. I hate the wind, it blows my floppy ears about something fierce. I only weigh eight pounds buddy, if it blows much harder you’ll be flying me like a kite.
So don’t expect any pats on the back from me, I’m too busy trying to hide myself in a blanket on the couch so you can’t find me tomorrow. I never asked to be your walking partner.
