Staying The Course

Yesterday I found out that one of the guys in my chewing tobacco quit group relapsed after 230 plus days nicotine free.  Aside from being hurt that he broke his commitment and threw everything away, I was also reminded of the tall order we face as addicts.  There is no cure for our disease and the best we can do is a daily reprieve.

The saddest thing is once your clear of the physical withdrawal and have learned how to live life without a substance, the decision to go back is 100 percent premeditated.  Once you’ve stepped away from the chaos and shackles of any addiction I know picking back up is something you have to literally psyche yourself up for.  Our minds are also up to that challenge much of the time.

I’ve found my dysfunctional brain trying to convince me that I could go and enjoy a drink or a dip of tobacco or a sweet treat on many occasions.  In fact I just had a dream last night that I had gone back to chewing tobacco.  I’m just not ready to give everything up yet I guess.  If I remain armed with the knowledge and firm belief that I am powerless against a substance, nothing in this world should be able to convince me to try and use it more successfully than I have in the past.  Today I am willing to go to any length to prevent the past from becoming my future.

Still I am but one case of bad judgement away from giving everything I’ve earned in the past few years away.  Maybe that will happen tomorrow, but not today.